Give to the wind your fears
Hope be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up your head
"Straight and narrow? How about rocky and thorny?"
Our hero learns that though the Christian life is described as a "walk" it ain't no walk in the park.
"Unless you're walking through Jurassic Park and the power's gone out again."
As soon as he becomes aware of an area of his life he needs to get in line with the Bible, every conceivable opportunity and possibility to sin more in that area leaps up at him. And it doesn't take long for him to feel like his failure rate outweighs his success rate.
"Man, this sucks."
Indeed it does valiant hero, indeed it does.
"It almost feels pointless. I keep screwing up - it's no different than before."
Ah, but it is. You see, our hero is actually -
"You can talk to me - I'm right here."
But this is for the blog, too.
You've been raised up as an example for others to follow.
"Dude, you don't want people following my example. Every chance I get to do something right, I do something to fu-"
No, that's the point.
Remember what the bible study leader told you in the quad? The life of the Christian is one of obedience, not perfection. Just be obedient.
"Even when I screw up?"
Especially when you screw up. When you do screw up and sin more, what does the bible tell you to do?
"Confess 'em to God and not do it again."
"But when I keep doing it..."
Doesn't matter. Stay obedient.
"How much forgiveness has God got left for me?"
How many drops of water are in the ocean?
Multiply that by a factor of ten, square it, add three, and you still wouldn't have exhausted 1% of God's forgiveness and love for you.
"Well shucks. :)"
Yeah. And God's working in you. You've got your part - be obedient - and he's got his part - working in the unseen areas of your life. He's calling you to the dark parts of your soul to bring the light of his gospel. And as you're on that inner journey with him, you're also on the outer journey, bringing the gospel to everyone around you.
"I...I haven't really said much to people."
It's okay. They're noticing.
The time for words will come soon enough. Stay the course. Go to church. Be encouraged by those around you and encourage them.
God loves you.