Thursday, November 6, 2008

American Christian.X - It Hasn't Happened Yet

Our hero speaks:

It was Christmas and I was alone. Strange city, strangers for friends…and I was broke. As the carolers sang their song, I dreamt of success – I would be the best; I would make my folks proud…I would be happy…it hasn’t happened, yet. It hasn’t happened, yet. It hasn’t happened…

Yes, there are nods in my direction, a clap of hands, a knowing smile. But still…I’m scared again. Foot slipped, pebbles fall and so did I, almost…I’m high, on Yosemite, the big gray wall. Fear of falling – where do I put my foot next? Fear of failure – I’m afraid I’m going to fall. “Be at one with the mountain,” I whisper into the air…when is the mountain scared? When do I feel I haven’t failed?

I have got to get it together, man!
It hasn’t happened, yet…it hasn’t happened…

People come up and say, “hello.” Okay…I can get to the front of the line, but you have to ignore the looks, and…yet…I’m waiting for that feeling of contentment, that ease at night when you put your head down and the rhythm slow to sleep…my head sways and eyes start awake, I’m there, not halfway between sleep and death, but looking into eyes wide open…trying to remember…what I might have done, should’ve done…

At my age I need serenity, I need peace.

It hasn’t happened yet…it hasn’t happened yet…it hasn’t happened, yet…it hasn’t happened…it hasn’t happened…

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